Christi and I are grieving together, but not completely the same way. In this honest post my wife talks about her faith.. she is an amazing woman and this is a powerful post. She writes:
People have speculated that maybe Judah died because God wanted to bring other people closer to the Lord. I don’t think God’s plan was for Judah to die, so that people could come closer to God.
Jesus’ death did that. And Jesus went into it, fully knowing why and did it of His own free will. He was the only human who could do that, because He is also God’s son. And Jesus had that choice and ability to stop His own death from happening, because he was man, but he was also, not man, and knew the need for what only HE could give was far more important to Him, than himself. Jesus’ death was ordained by God, to save the rest of us from eternity without God. His was the only life ordained that way.
Judah was just a three year old boy, with no choice in this and no ability to save. I don’t believe that his death was ordained, to save others.
One of the results of Judah’s death, the beauty from the ashes, may be that people draw closer to God somehow, but I don’t think God actually planned for him to die this way, in order to make others come to God. God has so many better and less cruel ways of bringing people to him, than to kill a 3 year old child or ordain that he die so young and in such a horrible way. A loving God would not disregard one child, to protect another.
I also don’t believe that God chose us to have this happen to, due to the strength of our faith. I for one, don’t feel I have strong faith. And even if I did, I don’t care how strong any person’s faith may be. THIS will shake ANYONE’s faith and maybe even shatter it. But hopefully, only for a time.
This is the stuff of faith breakers or makers. It’s these kinds of tragedies that cause people to question if God really loves them. To question why God promises protection, and then doesn’t protect in that greatest moment of need. Why an all knowing God didn’t do something (it didn’t even have to be supernatural or miraculous to have successfully stopped this) to intervene. Why God would take a lively, vivacious, curious, loving child with so much potential, away before he even had the chance to fully explore life.
I think people have to ask the questions. Job asked tons of those questions. I have to ask those questions. And that isn’t losing faith.
That is trying to understand and make sense of the incomprehensible. That is trying to find a way forward, while still trying to understand how to keep holding onto faith.
But even more deep than that, it is the complete human inability to hold on to the faith you thought you knew so well. It is learning to trust the faith that has now crumbled in your soul, and allow God to carry you and your crippled faith, in His hands.
That is walking through the valley of the shadow of death. That is the dark night of the soul. It’s those roads that either kill faith, or bring it to completely new dimensions of understanding. But you have to walk that terrifying road of questions, confusion and pain, to even have a chance to come out the other side.
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death….