I stand by my son’s grave, memories of four months ago today assault me.
I cannot stop seeing the image of Judah’s lifeless body beside the pool, my hands on his small chest pushing and lifting repeatedly as I attempt to get his heart going.
Through tears I try and notice the details of his grave, the fresh grass, the loving flowers and little hearts on sticks Christi has placed for Valentine.
And then an ambulance passes by, the sirens transport me back to the tragic, horrific scene. The screams of my wife, my other children. Our friend Jennifer relaying instructions from the 911 operator. Her husband Richard and I strangely calm amidst the chaos as we take turns to administer CPR.
And then today. Reality brutal and unavoidable. I am changed, these past four months have brought me closer to God, it had to. I no longer live within the illusion of safety, understanding the complete fragility of any life, including my own.
Today though the memories are present, I chose to remember Judah, how utterly sweet and beautiful he was.
Your daddy really misses you Juju ma.