Grief

Grief fees like acid pumping through your veins. It steals your air and leaves you gasping to hold on.

It shatters your heart over and over again.

It circles around and trips over itself, over and over again.

It’s a messy beast that prowls around your heart. You can’t know when it will pounce, but it always does.

Grief feels like fear. Before I lost my son, I had no idea it could feel like that.

Grief feels like love that is lost. Orphaned. It has forever lost its’ home.

Grief is aching arms and silent graves.

It walks with you everywhere you go. At first it drags you helplessly. Later, you learn to walk beside it, but you can never walk away from it. It will always find you.

Grief doesn’t end. “Stages” are a lie. A process has an end, so it can’t be that.

Grief is a hurricane of pain, with periods of a numb kind of calm before the winds pick up again.

Acceptance is a fairy tale place. It will never be ok. It will only be reality that you sometimes see but always hate.

Grief keeps your mind from going crazy. It keeps your heart from becoming catatonic.

Grief is the only way you can survive the pain.

– Christi Brown

1 Comment

  1. Oh Christi & Mark, I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I’ve never lost a child so it may be a different kind of pain/grief……I had let Mark know on a previous post that I had experienced the grief of losing my mother to murder. That was 12 years ago. I do think one’s feelings towards the pain changes over time.Yes, I could still get angry over the unfairness of the situation but it won’t change the outcome. I could question WHY, it happened but again, it won’t change anything… There are things we just cannot understand – maybe we aren’t meant to…. BUT I know that I know that I know that God loves me unconditionally & He always has & always will. I know He’s faithful & I know He will never leave me nor forsake me. I, also, know He’s opening doors to reach people I could have never reached before with a new empathy & compassion. I know that He can be trusted….. May the Lord bless & keep you (Christi), Mark & your family. In Jesus’ Mighty Name.

    Like

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